I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
All I want is dick and wine.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
