awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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