the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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