Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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