turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
