Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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