i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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