very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
