He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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