Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
