if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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