I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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