'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
