I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
