I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize