i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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