it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm at about main and main street
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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