Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
