did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
