My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
