tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
as a side note pls kill me
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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