i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
