he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
