did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's blow job season.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Randomize
