If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
