are you still at the devil's house?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
