Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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