If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
third nipple confirmed
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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