Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
