Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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