That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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