I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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