Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
