Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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