When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
