I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
