i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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