Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
