You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
