just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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