We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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