He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
