i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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