you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
nutella sex= disaster
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
