dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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