Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Your penis caused this!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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