R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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