Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
