He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
