There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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