apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
