we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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