my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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