i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
