Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
