No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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