maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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