Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
