I don't usually arrange sex via text message
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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