She's JV to your varsity
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
