My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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