Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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