when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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