Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize