1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Let's get the cat blown out
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
