Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
