the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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