Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
