As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
