My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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