the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
