Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
