I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize