I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
