My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
