He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
