I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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