I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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