So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
