you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
