I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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