im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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