Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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