You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
