I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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