hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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