OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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